VOL I, NO. I
COLUMBUS, OHIO; WEDNESDAY NIGHT, APRIL 20TH, 1997
PRICE FIVE CENTS
IF YOU CAN TAKE THE TRICK, TAKE IT
THE SETUP
Four players, two teams. Sit across from your partner so you can watch them disappoint you in real time. Use a 24-card deck (9 through Ace). Everyone gets five cards. One card is flipped up to start the drama.
CALLING TRUMP
Players go around deciding if the flipped suit should be trump (aka the only suit that matters). You can “order it up” or pass like you’re scared of commitment. If everyone passes, round two begins where someone finally has to make a decision.
The Jack of trump is the best card. Period. The Jack of the same color is second best. Yes, it’s weird. No, you don’t get to argue about it. Learn it or lose.
BOWERS
SCORING
Win 3–4 tricks: 1 point.
Win all 5: 2 points and an ego boost.
Call trump and then lose? You got euchred. Opponents get 2 points and the right to never let you forget it.
HOUSE RULES
YOU PLAY THE CARDS YOU'RE DEALT
- NO FARMERS HANDS -
NO STEAL THE DEAL
- HAVE SOME CLASS -
ABSOLUTELY ZERO TABLE TALK
- DONT PISS ME OFF -
STICK THE DEALER
- YOU MUST CALL SOMETHING -
ALL DISPUTES CAN BE DISCUSSED BUT
- MADELINE HAS FINAL SAY -
Five tricks per hand. Follow suit if you can; if you can’t, congrats—do whatever you want and pretend it was intentional. Highest card wins unless someone plays trump, in which case your card is now irrelevant.
LET THE GAMES BEGIN
THE OBJECTIVE
First team to 10 points wins. That’s it. No twists at the end, no second chances. Either you played smart, or you didn’t—and everyone at the table will absolutely remember which one it was.
PLAYING ALONE
Feeling bold? Go alone. Your partner sits out while you try to prove it. Win all 5 and you get 4 points. Mess it up and… wow.